Don't You Give Up (An Ode to Sequence and Life)

Don't You Give Up (An Ode to Sequence and Life)

Don't you give up… a-keep going, a-keep going, a-keep going ahh

Don't you give up… a-keep going, a-keep going, a-keep going ahh

I said get up, get up, get up, get up, get up
Get up, get up, get up, get up
Sit back down

Right on up, we're gonna funk you right on up

Sequence said it best

Testing us to get up and shake what our mommas gave us

They raised us and made us want more

Of something

Something that we didn't understand back then

Something we thought beyond our reach back then and

Something we still strive for

Again and again, man

Hey you sitting over there

You betta get up outta yo chair

And work your body down

No time to funk around

Cause we've got work to do

can't let small things

Stand between you and greatness

Debating between failure and defeat

Sitting with negativity begging at your feet

Overcoming the overcame

And still singing slave ship spirituals

You better ask somebody upwardly mobile

Holding success in their hearts

Working smarter for the almighty dollar

Saying prayers and counting blessings

While you're at home still trying to learn old lessons, but

Don't you give up… a-keep going, a-keep going, a-keep going ahh

Don't you give up… a-keep going, a-keep going, a-keep going ahh

One of my sistas told me

I was an untapped resource

My own worst enemy

Blinded by the bling

And chasing dreams from my living room sofa

Another of my sistas told me

I stood for things I didn't know of

Told me being down only meant I had one way to go

Showed me how to cultivate the motivation

By changing my radio station

And the revelation was endless

Ring-ding-dong
Ring a ding-ding-ding-dong
Ring-ding-dong
Ring a ding-ding-ding-dong

Then it happened

I found that `IT'

That `go tell it on the mountain' mentality

Fallacy had me believing the unbelievable

Now I know TRUTH

Sound the alarm

`cause it's a new day and I'm living it MY way

Palms together, sweaty, like I'm praying for the first time

Eyes wide open, like I'm seeing for the first time

Ignoring that knock on my door… for the first time

Evil wants to gain entrance

Despair wants to have breakfast and

Sin wants to wrestle… for old time's sake

But I don't have a moment for them… anymore

Don't want their company… anymore

Glory is delighting in my abode and I enjoy basking in its brilliance

I love its warm and humbling feeling

And I invite you to indulge

I invite you to partake in its awakening sensation

Invite you in for some `real' conversation

All you have to do is…

Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up
Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up
Get up, get up, get up

But you can't sit back down…ahh

12.24.07 Genesis

Can't Let You Take Me Away...

Christmas is a happy and sad time for all... well all the people that I know anyway.
Trying to come up with money to buy gifts for others... putting off paying bills just to see someone smile... I'm guilty of it too

But what I hadn't anticipated was that someone I love dearly trying to take me away from all I enjoy...
Yeah
I love spending time with my parents... there are so few people who can say that (actually they find it DISTURBING that I talk to and visit my parents EVERY SINGLE day... hmmm)
I love reading... I've been told I read too much (though I think THAT'S impossible)
I love writing... I've been told I write too much (though I think THAT'S insane)
I love talking to my friends on the phone... I've been told I talk to them too much (though when we talk, they can't handle my realism and concreteness... say what you mean and mean what you say)

I know it's a cry for attention and I must be honest... always have been, always will be
I'm self-absorbed and they knew that upon meeting me 10 years ago
Not so self-absorbed that I'm selfish... just self-absorbed in a way that makes me a highly motivated person... because my kids need a better future... and it depends on the baby steps I'm taking now

But Aquarians have been known to be unsympathetic and aloof... I'm guilty... especially if you try to take ME away... I back away from you... feeding you morsels of myself, just enough to make your mouth water... just enough to let you know I still love and care for you but I won't indulge in your toxicity. That's just me... and when you become too poisonous, I disappear.

So maybe I'll read a little less... maybe, I'll write one less paragraph but I won't do much more than that. I can't do much more than that. What will become of ME... the ME that I love, the ME that I enjoy. I've sacrificed all that I can and sadly for them, I'm not willing to sacrifice much more.

I saw a saying in a store yesterday:

Don't spend all of your time preparing for the future, that you forget to live

It was meant for me, I know that. So I grabbed my WWJD coin from my pocket and rubbed it, then thanked Him. When I got home, I passed the coin on to someone I know who needs it more than me... maybe they'll do some self-reflection and realize that what I do makes me happy and in turn should make them happy... maybe they'll find a hobby that makes them just as happy... maybe they'll stop being so selfish and realize that all I do is for the love of them, my kids, and my parents but also for the love of myself. Because, heaven forbid, I lose them all tomorrow, there will aways be a book to read and a book to write that will ease my pain... and make me smile.

Stay peace

genesis

I Anxiously Await 2008

So many lessons learned in 2007. Some would say they were bad events, I just call them challenges. All of the struggling, I know for sure, is for the good that is to come in 2008. The one thing I learned, and preached but had not practiced, is planning. I fell short. Planning a few things and leaving others to umm... destiny, when they shouldn't have be left there. I know better now.

Things I've prayed for have come to fruition... not in the way I wanted them to come... but they're here and I must embrace them... though differently, but embrace them still the same. Just to give you an example of what I mean... I prayed for more time to devote to writing... then I was laid off, in June... and I wrote and still write. I prayed to be able to go back to school... graduate school... found out that I could apply to the city for funding... yes free money... but it didn't cover graduate studies... got the money and attended a technical school... am now a PC Specialist... finished the 14 week program in 4 weeks... cause I'm a nerd and serious about my shit (Thanks Ms. Badu, that's the best line ever!).

But you see, I'm not scared of a little struggling or even a lot of it. Cause then things are right, they are REAL right and I can't accept the good without a little of the other.

Stay peace and focused
genesis

2007 NaNoWriMo Winner!

Yeah... I did it! There is no other feeling like finishing something that is grueling, challenging, and to some... crazy.

I completed my 50K words last night and I feel so liberated. The intensity of what I feel is better than it was when I participated in NaNoWriMo the first time; 2006. I knew what I was going into this time and still made it out... ALIVE. A little sleep deprived but I'm living, and breathing, and thanking the high heavens that it is now over!

Yes, you read correctly... I am ELATED that it is over!!! It is a hard task to add another item on my daily to-do list when November rolls around. Not to mention the -itis I get because of all the Thanksgiving food and birthday cake I eat each year at this time. Then old man winter rolls his head my way making me less excited about most things.

Well... here is my thingy to make it official


Now I have 'heard' some interesting things while I was holed up next to my computer. Don't kill me but I haven't had time to research them but they are never-the-less, to me, research worthy.

On ESPN this week it was said that 1 out of every 2 men will develop some form of cancer.

• Now there are 3 males in my household, my husband and two sons, so at least one of them will develop it
• Between mine and my mother's household there are six males, so half of them will develop cancer
• Definitely have to look into this further

I heard on the news last night that Cleveland is the 9th most depressed city in the month of December YET we have more mental health resources then most large cities

• Could be this cold ass weather we have
• Could be the sucky job market
• As someone on the show said... could be The Browns (who happen to be doing very well at this time)
• Could also be the lack of money to pay for mental health services (Hint! Hint!)

A friend of mine told me that Lady Bugs emit a smell when they feel threatened.

• I've never smelled on but I get them alot during this time of the year. They happen to like my bathroom color. Seems as though they find white appealing or like the smell of my kids boo- boo

I found out that there is a such thing as NaNoEdMo that takes place in March (2008) where authors sign up to log in 50 hours of editing for the month

• Are you effing crazy?
• I'm still editing my manuscript from 2006 NaNoWriMo
• Chris Baty needs to whip y'all's asses for that, IMO... lol
  

One more interesting thing I found out was that my mom knows the lyrics to Crank That by Soulja Boy...hmmm and she knows the other versions of the song like Crank That Batman, Crank That Superman, etc. Hell, I didn't even know about those songs...

Real hip-hop, please rescue me...

Okay, just wanted to have a little fun since I don't have to be permanently attached to MS Word until November 2008! Stay peace and see you tomorrow... yes, I'm back BABY!

Doing it with a bang...

I didn't, and still don't, plan to chronicle my school tales each day, but today was just as weird as getting kicked out of class yesterday....

So I finished my applications early and decided to adjust the computer settings back to how they were before I started. Background plain (check) Screen saver: default (check)

I looked into my textbook, you know, to read ahead and...

ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPPPP!

I jumped from the noise and noticed my computer screen was blank. Then I glanced at the tower and the power light wasn't on....then I smelled smoke....

Oh Hell NAW!!!

I jumped up to inform my instructor, who was working with another student. I tried to be patient, but the burning smell began to get stronger, so I tapped him on the shoulder and alerted him of the issue.

He jumps up, like Super Man, minus the S on his chest, removes all of the cables and high tails it out the door with the computer......it sat in the rain....wow

He then explained that he'd been there 13 years and nothing like that had ever happened. Well...you know what they say about firsts...I'm a trailblazer baby...lol

Needless to say...despite blowing up their computer, I completed my first application (extremely fast) and was given my certificate. He explained how excited he was to have a student go through the application so fast and how he had 'connections' with publishing companies in Cleveland. Even told me he would give them a call to see if they are looking for someone and if not, would I be allowed to do an internship there....BINGO

We discussed my educational goals a little further then he dared me to test out of a few applications; which I did...tested out of beginner and intermediate word but I opted to still go through the intermediate application...for my own benefit. Could have flew straight to advanced, but as it looks now, I'm slated to finish a month and a half ahead of schedule...but I'd still need to attend to obtain the hours. He gave me options for that issue as well...

Ahhh...this chapter, by far, has been the most dramatic....but I like it like that.

Stay peace

genesis

I got kicked outta class today....

First day of school....

had to be there at 9 a.m. arrived at 9 a.m.---this wasn't good for me, I like being a lil bit early....but okay

Had a mini-orientation...again. Read the rules, signed a few documents, etc., etc., etc.,

Just when everyone started sounding like the teacher from Charlie Brown, I heard the most angelic voice say, "We've been waiting on you!" To look around, like she wasn't referring to me, would have been stupid...so I didn't. I smiled and said, "Really? That's pretty cool..."

I didn't have to ask why...already knew why...I told y'all I was self-absorbed and my plans were brilliant. See, my agenda preceded my attendance at the school. They knew I had clear cut goals and my follow-up and follow-through is awesome...in most areas ;) I'm not perfect...all the time...or even most of the time...but so far, I've been perfect to them because I'm not the usual there. I'm quite abnormal. I have standards and have no qualms about setting them....

My training is being funded through some program I don't even know...it doesn't matter (to me anyway) But in order to obtain the scholarship, I had to jump a few hurdles, roll over a few times, and wag my tail to a T-Pain song. Then I had to get up and do it over again...and I did it flawlessly....effortlessly, without complaint, even smiled about having to do it...it's called 'a process'....'a requirement'...patience

After hearing about how fast I'd breeze through the program, I started my computer applications with ease...nothing hard about the day at all...until 12:30, the instructor kind of slid in a comment about leaving at 1:30

SCREEEEECHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I wasn't planning on leaving until 2...still had one application to finish...after all, I'm trying to complete the whole program early...that's how I do it, you know...

I look at the clock----) 1:15

I tap a few more keys ---) 1:25

I go through a few more pages of things I already know, but don't mind refreshing ----) 1:37

I hear the word KARMA, then look around and I'm the only student left in the classroom...cool with me, I have business to attend to.

The instructor mumbled a few words, so I removed my headphones and asked him to please repeat what he said. This is how it went:

Instructor (looking at the clock): Most people don't take a lunch, so they cut out early
Me: Really? I'm not going to do anything but go home and get on the computer anyway
Instructor: Oh, but I really wanted to leave at 1:30
Me: O.k. So you can't leave until I leave?
Instructor: Well, no. I don't want to bother any of the other instructors cause they have things to do...

(like I don't have things to do)

Me: Oh...let me finish this one part, it'll take a couple of seconds. Is that cool?
Instructor (looking at watch again): That's fine.
Me: You want me to turn the computer off?
Instructor: yeah

I gather my things and walked out of the door, thinking....what the hell was that? Why should I have to leave because he wants to leave? What kind of bush*t is this...it wasn't in the rules that I could leave whenever I wanted, so why should I have to leave when someone else wants me to? The time says 9-2...Funny thing is the instructor doesn't arrive until 10 which means I'm there an entire hour without him...but I can't be there, at the end of the day, for 30 minutes...without him....

This is why I'm so confused at times ... I mean...it's only Monday and I done already got kicked outta class...


stay peace

genesis

The first chapter in my new life....

I had a conversation with a woman I consider my best friend...always have considered her that...and she told me some things I already knew about myself...but I felt better about it being validated

I always come to a stand still...in life
Where I need to readjust my thoughts, my feelings, my everyday happenings...my life. I've done so many things and have had so many experiences, but lack of 'real' knowledge has always had me starting things without finishing them, or without finishing them before I start something...new. I can't help it...I'm flighty.

Tomorrow is somewhat different for me though. Tomorrow I start school...tomorrow, I start working toward a well thought out goal...hmmmm....that's extremely new to me. I'm whimsical. I'm carefree. I'm self-absorbed...most times. But this path that I've chosen to take...is freaking 'brilliant' to me. I did a lot of self evaluation; decided what it was I loved to do, how to get some letters behind my name for it, and get paid to have the type of fun I really want to have.

I see it working...this time. I see a brighter future for my family and I. I see more happiness beyond the horizon...and I'm stoked!

It all started with the question: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Three kids and a husband later, I just now realized....I've grown up. I don't have time for idle dreams. I wanted to be a lawyer, until I participated in my first mock trial. At that point, I realized I didn't like to argue if it wasn't to defend myself...NEXT...

I then wanted to be a hairstylist. I went to school, even paid for my managers course. Yes, I'm a Licensed Managing Cosmetologist...who doesn't do hair anymore. Decided I couldn't work in someone else's salon...people are devious and don't care...if it isn't their own....NEXT

I went back to the drawing board....yup, you guessed it...COLLEGE...
After all, I had a full scholarship, that I earned while in the 6th grade, to THE Ohio State University...that I passed on to raise my child...I'm sorta like a...a...genius (okay nerd but so flipping what). I finished with a degree in Social Work which was a no brainer because it was something I was good at, right? Very, very WRONG....
I'm extremely good at working with people...but the field itself, leaves a LOT to be desired, like hmmmm....MONEY.....NEXT

I even tried being a housewife...twice...ain't my cup of java...NEXT

So I've dabbled in quite a bit and most of my experiences I've really enjoyed. Well, maybe that's a lie. The lessons I've learned from my experiences is what I enjoy. I reflect on what I've done, where I've been, and who I've met and it all really does come full circle.

Success is subjective. I'm very successful...but there is so much more success to be enjoyed, why not take full advantage of it? I'm not the type of person who becomes complacent....I'm not the type of person who just accepts...

While my actions may appear erratic, irrational, way out there in the atmosphere somewhere...they are purposeful to me.

This next step will set me up to be...the very me I aspire to be...

So heres to first chapters....I'm looking forward to many more of them....

stay peace

genesis

2nd Time Around...

This is the second time around for me...

Last year, November 1, 2006, I participated in National Novel Writer's Month (NaNoWriMo) and successfully crossed the finish line with a little over 50,000 words. It was one of the easiest things I've ever did in my life, in hindsight.

This years challenge...is somewhat different...somewhat more difficult...and I'm somewhat nervous about it.

I've always accepted the fact that the more you know, the more you grow...which may have been a chant embedded in my brain from the good ole days of grade school...sorta like the 'just say no' campaign.... I've also come into an even better depiction of the saying courtesy of Mama Deep (and I might add that she's extremely DEEP) acVernon Menchan--who says you know better so you must do better--to paraphrase....

But as I've grown, I've learned that the more I know...sometimes hinders me
Sometimes makes me forget that simplicity works best
Sometimes makes me over-think things that need not be over-thought....ya feel me?

I understand about turning the inner editor off...but can I do it? Last year, I didn't have to, because I didn't have an inner editor...at the time. But through my experience as a reviewer for A Place Of Our Own (APOOO)--www.apooo.org-- I've become more aware of my editing issues and slightly aware of how to change them. And through my experience with novel writing, I've learned that because I write good poetry, doesn't mean I can write good books--even though I'm learning--and that I must study...which I do daily...to become a great and respected author.

Yes, this years challenge, is actually a challenge for me...but I welcome it with an open heart and open arms....though I don't doubt that I'll complete it....I can't deny that I'm nervous, and become even more nervous as it gets closer to November 1st!

If you want more information about NaNoWriMo, please visit www.nanowrimo.org and don't forget to add me as a buddy (poeticgenesis) if you sign up.

For a glimpse of my first experience, check out the interview with Emanuel Carpenter on BlogginginBlack.com (----click there

Stay peace

genesis

I'm the itch...you can't scratch...

Did you happen to check out the pictures of the worms on my sidebar? Yeah...those...

I hate worms, but I captured the first picture on my camera phone. I figured this must've been one of those 'had-to-be-there' kind of things to see. I knew I would share it...at some point.

To take the picture...made me itch...again....I hate worms...as much as I hate clowns (but that's another blog).

I started thinking about life while watching the worms mate. I started to see them as a symbol of how I know I make others feel...on purpose...sometimes.

I make them itch
getting close enough to the soul...the truth
to irritate them
but I do it...on purpose

I make people itch because I know they can do better...I just want to let them know I know...you follow me?

I may say something on the sly--just enough to illicit a raised eyebrow. Or I may discuss how I feel about something seemingly unrelated (but totally related) to them. Or I will just come out and say it...for all of my literal people out there...just depends on who the person is, (my perception of) their character defects, and what they may be struggling with...

BUT regardless of how I tell them...

I want the itch to propel them to action. I want it to bother them so much they scratch it...but not enough to make it go away.

I want the itch to be a constant reminder that someone cares enough to rub them the wrong way...purposefully...

I want it to make them uncomfortable and motivated to find a cure for it...for themselves.

I don't know about you, but I choose to surround myself with greatness and I can't expect any less of you...if you are my friend...you'll understand...one day

And if you've rubbed me, lovingly, the wrong way...THANKS! I probably wouldn't be who I am today had I not, at least, scratched.

stay peace

genesis

Dreams...

I've learned that all dreams are important. I've also learned that the smallest dreams usually mean the most. While riding, shotgun, to take my husband to work, we talked about our dreams of being millionaires...a la lottery.

See, we only need 8 million dollars...8 million dollars and our entire family will be set...for life

We divied (hood term for divided) up the earnings...

• $100,000 to our 6 siblings

• a home and car for our parents

• college fund for our 7 (yes 7) children

• a newly constructed home for us, including a separate playhouse for our entertainment
  

• our business...the fliest night club in the the country and my computer graphic design company
  

Whatever is left...is for investment and savings...

I was happy.
At that moment, I was a millionaire. I was worry free, for the time being. Then we arrived at his place of employment...he got out of the car...and so did my dream, temporarily.

I couldn't wait to put this down on paper...or blog...cause while dreaming and researching how dreams become reality...I've learned that you MUST write down your goals...you MUST set objectives to reach them...and while I really don't plan to become a millionaire via the lottery (that part is my husband's dream), I DO plan to have millions!

Stay peace

genesis

Breaking News!

When I was about 12, I remember a woman, in her late 20's, coming to my home...to fight me. She knocked on my mother's front door and when I saw her, I asked her to wait a second by putting my index finger in the air....

Two minutes later I returned to the front door...with a shotgun...(true story)

Today, a 14 year old student took two guns to school and opened fire. There were four people shot...two teachers...two students and possibly one dead...the shooter. They say it may be from a self-inflicted wound. I say it's because no one was there to protect him...from himself.

Violence is taking over my city. Can I blame it on the fact that we are the poorest city in the country...maybe Can I blame it on teachers no longer willing to teach...maybe Can I blame it on teen pregnancy...probably Can I blame it on parents...definitely!

I've watch violence become the new limelight. I've watched kids sell drugs to their friend's parents and their own siblings, but tell their parents to cop from their dudes.

I've walked into schools and witnessed armed security guards taking 'high' students to the front door and unleashing them into the world..alone...where were his parents? Working...maybe At home asleep...maybe Picking him up from school...definitely not!

Is it me, or have we chosen to let law enforcement officials, teachers, and drug dealers parent our children? Have we decided that work supersedes parenting? Have we decided to be blind to what the hell is going on around us because it isn't our problem?

Cleveland, wake the hell up!

Mayor Jackson...you'll be hearing from me Parents...I hope you decide to do your job before violence hits your home...and you become a subject for my blog.

Times have changed since I pulled a piece of steel larger than me on someone...in hindsight, I had no respect for life

Now...it's seems that no one does...especially our youth!

I don't believe we have a future...with kids like these....

stay peace...if that's possible

genesis

p.s.

as I finished this...it was confirmed the 14 year old committed suicide...young white male described as being overall unhappy...may he rest in peace

Mission Accomplished...just call me Jack Bauer!

I can't even call it today...so maybe I'll talk about yesterday...

Yesterday, I purchased my son a grill...yup a grill...these, to be exact

aren't they cute on him?

NOT!!

An argument, between my husband and I, became heated when I decided my son would have these. Why, you ask.... Because he didn't want the youngster to have them and I did. His reason...because his brother will want a pair as well My reason...it is a toy and my son wanted it. I also explained to him how I will never base my decision to purchase something for one of my kids by how I think one of the other ones may react.

I left it at that...for him anyway

Now, on to my son...

These were the most hideous things I've ever seen, in my life. I can't stand 'real' grills and definitely can't stand fake ones. I knew once my son put them in his mouth, he'd see how ridiculous they look and chuck 'em in the toy box with his other 'non-cool' toys. My hope is for the $1.99 I spent for these, I will have given my son 'my take' on how grills look--silly

I will have, at least to some small degree, altered his perception of these 'hip' grills. When I showed him the picture of himself donning his grill, he thought it was the most hilarious thing....I asked him if he looked like the rappers...

He said 'yes'


*patting self on the back*

Mission accomplished!

stay peace


genesis

p.s. just for arguments sake, my daughter hated them=would never be caught dead in them SEE

my youngest has grills of his own...SEE

FLAVOR COMPLEX (poem)

FLAVOR COMPLEX

could be my chocolate ability
to liquefy and
meticulously consumes my victim
that causes you to think of me
as you sleep

could be the way your caramel dissolves
just enough to produce moisture
that leaves residuals between
my thighs
from thoughts of you

creating eyelid flutters in anticipation
of
sweet scents seeping through pores
flesh penetrating flesh
hershey hole devouring milky, honey-yellow caramel
forming puddles in places
yet to be tasted

i'm not afraid
of your caramel cracking
bleeding orgasmic testimony onto
my chocolate covered sheets
where we explored each others flavors

where the firmness
of you
reacted positively to the pliability
of me

where we mingled and moaned ourselves
into a culmination of sheer
oral pleasures

leaving a grin so secretive
it tells on itself

even before it begins
I'm wondering
when will the warmth of your
caramel-from the friction we create-
lead me to melt all over you
again



stay peace ----)Genesis

The mind of creative creatures.... (poem)

Magic In My Mind

when i slip clauses before pauses
or totally refuse to adhere to rules of written words
i find authentic freedom...
i release strings of letters...neatly pocketed

i uproot comma's, place them in slingshots
and hurl them into the atmosphere to create colorful rainbows that
brighten children's paths toward creative outlet and appreciation

i create images from deja vu
places my stories have been...fighting to be realized
giving me droplets of moments
frozen in time...some time...magic in my mind

i have no answer to where I get 'it' from
the ability to create isn't something I asked for
it's something that happens when I place pen to pad,
when I get mad,
when I'm glad, and
sadness catapults me to deny myself sleep
for the sake of a fucking word....

i am everything I'm am with this...this thing I can't describe
this thing that makes me write in-stores,
in-notebooks...I haven't paid for...yet
or tear out the pages, remove the ragged edges,
and stuff THE next literary masterpiece in my purse...close to my i.d.

this madness that makes me zone out sometimes;
mentally watching scenarios play,
wondering if something I'm
reading,
watching,
or listening to
is raping my mind; ejaculating subliminal messages rendering my brain
incompetent and beyond my control...which appears to be working

i have no idea what makes me
write and love to write,
write to read and read to love,
love to write about what i read,
and read to learn about what I love

it's impossible to explain what happens
without appearing mentally ill
but it's similar to you explaining, to me,
why you can't do it--
what happens that makes you unable to be creative?
from my perspective, I can't see how THAT is even possible...

there is no formula, rhyme, or reason
to my being able to make things up
it's really magic...in my mind

creator: God
told through: genesis

Knowing Yourself

I don't like for grown men to wear shirts with numbers on them. I believe that type of clothing is for children and young teens. As a matter of fact, I find it rather turn-offish.

I also don't like for my food to touch, the mispronunciation of words, people who talk just to talk, and commas...I don't know, it's just me...

It's very important that you learn about yourself. It's essential if you plan to become an author. It takes a while but much effort needs to be placed on this feat; even more effort than it would take to develop a good storyline.

I'm a whimsical poetess. I write complete poems at the drop of a hat and take all of five minutes to complete a piece. I tried the same thing in novel writing and, unfortunately for me, I'm not a whimsical novel writer...

I've learned that I need structure. I need to know my characters before I know my story. I need to outline plots and subplots, asl (age, sex, location for the non-internet savvy), I need to have actual pictures or dolls or cartoon characters...to refer to when I'm describing my character's traits.

I also learned that I'm not the most fashionable person so I tend to stay away from placing my characters in name brand clothing or using current terms like cougar (older women who date younger men), alls-I'm-saying-is, nameen, etc...

I know that writing, for me, is a journey. I'm in it for the long haul so it's important that I continue to get intimate with myself so that others can enjoy me; so that others can feel the sincerity in whatever they read that I've written.

The all mighty dollar looks good in my purse but my name on the shelf with the likes of Gwendolyn Brooks, Ralph Waldo Emerson, William Shakespeare, Paul Lawrence Dunbar, James Arthur Baldwin, Nikki Giovanni, bell hooks etc., means SO much more to me... This goal makes knowing myself mandatory!

I've only been novel writing for a year and there is much more in store for me!

What were some things you learned about yourself when you started writing? Writing evolves as we mature. What ways have your materials matured?

Stay peace

Things that make you say hmmmm....

I was listening to the Michael Baisden show yesterday and learned a very valuable lesson.

There are 'life' things that we naturally teach our children...that goes without explaining. But how often do you possess knowledge that you don't share with your children that could potentially keep them out of harms way?

An example used on the show was children talking to police officers. I've never thought to teach my children 'not' to answer an officers questions. Why not? Because they're officers and the magnitude of their positions causes most of us to teach our youngin's that the POLICE are good people; they are your friends...although we know that's different, at times.

We don't teach them 'not' to answer their questions because we want to believe that most are intrinsically good. The law calls for officers not to question minors without their parents being present, yet we know that most officers lay the questions on thick and quick because they know children don't want to be in trouble (well most don't), especially not with the PO-PO...so they answer and most of it is honest. This is definitely AGAINST the law...but do your children know that? I doubt it.

I'm sharing in the vision of awareness, especially when the law is concerned. While I have encouraged my children to look up to law enforcement officers, which in my hood is hard to reinforce, I have also stolen a little of reality away from them by this action. Children implicate themselves the most so we must learn, right now, how to teach them the right way...as soon as we find out what the right way is.

I had a discussion with my daughter, who hadn't heard the show, and she had so many questions about not answering her 'friends' (cops). I answered all of them the best that I could but we never lost focus on the message....

Teach your children 'not' to answer questions from the police without your presence. It's against the law and if they had anything to do with a crime in question, answering without your presence can land them with a rap sheet.

Upon discussing this with my five-year-old son, he emphatically stated "I hate the po-po"....but that's a whole 'nother discussion

Stay peace,

Genesis

Writing....

As a writer, I find it difficult to keep my mental folders in order. There is so much information available that I often become a victim of information overload and board a broken down bus at least once a week.

Board a broken down bus...what the hell is that, you ask....

It's when I have so much information to process that I stop EVERYTHING...I stop writing, I stop reading, I stop being stimulated by my environment...I even stop being a mommy, daughter, sister, friend, and wife when I board the bus. It's a must if I plan to remain sane!

Every now and again it's okay to stop the presses. I'd like to challenge that it's a MUST...at least when you are a writer. The time frame in which one chooses to take a time out differs, but the goal remains the same.

Don't get it twisted though...just because you take a day off from playing your many roles, writer included, doesn't mean that you do nothing...

It means that you give your mind some time to sort out all of the information you've gathered. Give your mind time to properly organize and file the contents of your mental folders, trash what's not needed, and make notes regarding information you need to gather in the future.

I return to 'business as usual' a little more refreshed and inspired. My senses are more keen and I feel I can conquer another week without falling apart. Information is so empowering and stifling, simultaneously....

This process happens in life, in general, as well. Maybe not as often, but it happens...

How often do you board a broken down bus?

Stay peace

Theorems....on THAT level (Part II)

Honest Isn’t the Best Policy…it’s the only policy!

Have you ever started a statement with ‘honestly…’ If so…STOP! You are about to lie! Why would you even imply that you are dishonest? Remember the old saying:

…it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it

I’d like to take a look at ‘its not what you say’…Well, what you ‘had not’ said was that you were untruthful…at some point…in life… It also ‘implies’ that you don’t believe your friend wants the truth, even though they asked for your honest opinion. You just wanted to be sure…right? Yeah, unh hunh…

Believe it or not, the thoughts and ideas that people don’t speak about can impact their entire statements overall message. While this isn’t an ‘aha’ moment in a philosophical school of thought, its announcement needs to be reignited. It’s cliché-ness (yes, I made that up) has overrun the true wisdom behind it.

Advancing to my interpretation of ‘it’s how you say it’ ... hopefully you haven’t told Sista-girl the truth about those too small pants…yet.

If it’s how you say it, then how do you say it?

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to find a ‘nice’ way to tell your friend she’s fat. I ‘want’ you to tell her she’s fat. Why? Because it’s the truth! The truth will set you…and her bulges…free. Keep in mind this theorem is a bit longer than others. It’s going to take a little more convincing than usual…right? Right.

So…back to your friend, the need to be honest, and using the f word. Lets look at your friend first. She’s overweight, restricting the circulation in her waist, and asking for your ‘honest’ opinion on her apparel choice….

How do you say it…honestly?

Humor always works if one person laughs, even if that person is you. Laughter has a way of easing tension when you have to tell a hard truth. Most psychiatrists and psychologist will tell you this defense mechanism is used to divert the intent of the message. I say, so what! You’re telling her something that is uncomfortable for you to say, so what’s wrong with a little mental soothing? Not a thing! This is my proposal…

Snicker and say ‘suck your fat in, if you can’t, I think you should wear these (while offering her another choice of pant)…I like them better anyway…

Your friend is not going to be hurt…why? Because she knows she’s fat. She wakes up every morning in her body. You are only validating her thoughts. The same thoughts she had when she tried to zip her pants. It may seem cold when written but with ‘honesty’ in your voice, she’ll know you aren’t being malicious.

If she is truly your friend, not only would you tell her she’s fat, you’d care about her health and offer your assistance. Be it a walk…workout…together…or even becoming educated on the consequences of being overweight. Friends care enough about each other to remain truthful and open, right?

By saying what needs to be said, the way it should be said will place value in your opinions. Your being straight forward AND helpful to your friend will create a bond that is truthful and wholesome.

So, slap a fat friend on the ass and tell them if they passed the jiggle test…if it doesn’t jiggle a little, it’s too small or they are too fat…

Theorem: Say exactly what needs to be said, it’s better that way…

Introduction to the Theorems...on THAT level

Introduction to the Theorems

The musings of a distorted mind are beyond fascinating. It takes a sincere, open individual to appreciate its’ knowledge. It takes an individual in tune with their mental and physical capacities to incorporate these theorems into their lives. There is a difference between these two types of people…

The sincere, open person will read the theorems, validate its point for the sake of it being someone’s view and place it on a shelf for weekly dusting…wasting away. The person in tune with themselves and know their truths, are those that will research and practice the theorems, tweak and apply them to their lives. They will also recommend them to friends. These are the people I want to read ‘Theorems’.

Because of the recommendation, the friends are bound to have a discussion. Dissecting each piece and finding out more about themselves in the process. During the debate, which I am sure it will turn into, each side will want to be right. Being right involves validation of fact. ‘Theorems’ may not be that ‘fact’, but I’m sure it will initiate the dialogue that will find the ‘fact’. That’s my sole purpose.

So grab a fat friend for a book buddy and check your conventional way of thinking at the gate!

Stop Lying!

Have you ever thought it best not to say anything if it were negative? Has someone ever asked you for your ‘honest’ opinion and you still lied?

Yes…telling your girl her pants were fine when you saw how the zipper refused to stay…zipped, is a lie. So what she’s a little overweight! Why would you allow her to walk around exposed and ultimately embarrassed? To protect her feelings? Lets be real…you were protecting your feelings…inadequate feelings of confirming your friend’s struggle with her weight. But…you lied. Denying powerful emotions (energy…in motion--Tyra rocks!) to guide the situation where it needs to go.

Look at it like this…Sista-girl knows she’s thick but first impressions are sometimes the only impressions.

Theorem: Think about it…and stop lying!

SHE DANCES LIKE LOVE (poem)

SHE DANCES LIKE LOVE

I watched you sway

I watched you close your eyes…and dream

dreams full of hearts and love and love and…

I watched him walk away…defeated

mistreating this obvious show

that was truly for his eyes and I watched more…

waiting....wondering why you continued to dance like…love
when he no longer watches but continues to walk away...

It's that persistence...

It's that walk by faith mentality and hope

it's dope and at times…painful

but girl you danced…you danced harder...
and
you
sweat more and…

the desire grew in your eyes as you opened them to realize…he'd left

left you…left your efforts…left the love you laid on the floor

you turned once more
and a smile caught your eye…

then your dance began again.....

The House Of Mistakes: A Novel

Prologue

The house was old with memories. It smelled of stale bread baked with love. As I walked through its corridors, I saw flashes of grandmother staring me down.

“Chile, didn’t I tell you girls don’t wear pants.”

“But grandma, girls do wear pants now-a-days.”

“Well, not in this here house they don’t. Gone an’ put on that nice skirt I bought you from Sears last week.”

As I walked to the closet that use to house coats, I thought of all the dinner parties and family meetings held in grandma’s home. When I opened the door, I couldn’t understand why I had half expected some of her things to still be hanging there.

“Damn,” I whispered. “Grandma been gone for a while now... I’m going crazy.”

I closed the closet and leaned against the door. My mind wandered to the time I was sent to live with her because my mother couldn’t handle me. It was so hard for her. I was a frustrated teen who didn’t understand that what I was going through was normal. Guilt started to consume me as I recalled the times I’d screamed and cursed her out, for no good reason.

“You ain’t grown Michelle!”

“I ain’t trying to hear what you saying! You just want me to live a lonely life like you! I ain’t having it!”

I was a walking time bomb then. My momma died clutching her chest. A heart attack, they say, but I know it was because of me. She died of a broken heart... I’d disappointed her so much.

Walking up the creaking, wooden stairs, I thought of all the fun I had sliding down the banister as a child. My dad would scream at me; telling me that I was going to hurt myself one day. He didn’t know it at the time, but he had sealed the deal on my future.

“Girl, get your ass of that damn banister before you break your leg or something. You gone get one of them bony ass ankles caught, I tell ya.”

I heard his voice each step I took.

Reaching the top, I bypassed my uncle’s old room. He died in his bed, of cancer, and the room was never reopened. I knew it would be full of his things, mainly his memories, and I wasn’t ready to face that... yet. He had stolen my innocence. Placed his penis in my hands at the tender age of 8 and by the time I was 12, he was full fledge fucking me. Was it so wrong if I enjoyed it? It’s been over ten years and I still feel him touching me when I'm asleep.

Opening the door farthest from the steps, I removed cobwebs that threatened to grant my entrance.

“This will have to do,” I mouthed, looking around the room.

It was where grandma did her sewing. It still had fabric remnants and a few tables scattered throughout. I pulled a chair from the corner and sat it in the middle of the floor. I wanted to take in its totality at once. I grabbed a thin piece of fabric and placed the homemade tourniquet around my forearm then took a deep breath. I checked the syringe for air bubbles before inserting it. As the needle punctured my skin, the memories and voices slowly faded away...temporarily.

Genesis is.....(poem)

I was on my page on shelfari.com (it's on my blogroll) and realized that the reason I had never completed the 'about me' section because I just couldn't......

I know that people find talking about themselves easy, but I don't. Nor do I find it fun. Surprising hunh? Shouldn't be.

I've told many people about things I like and don't like, or what I would or wouldn't do...and I know you're asking 'well those things are about you, right' but, in essence, it's not. Not for me anyway....

Take a look...I created this in my little 'about me' section. Sitting for 5 minutes, staring at a blank template....then words began to cross the screen.....

I am the beginning....

A few someones I've birthed
baby fresh whimpers
new angelical vessels....His vessels
glory they be!

I am the beginning....

the spark before flame
the idea preceding action
the conflict of males
yet the necessity of life
procreation--that is

I am the harborer of secrets
my children, and sista-friends, and cousins tell
I am the healer of scrapes and bumps and heartbreaks and bruised egos
I am the devoted daughter of a King and Queen
--anxiously awaiting my time on the throne yet will mourn it's arrival, simultaneously.....

I am the beginning, and conversely the ending, of everything

Five minutes later, I had partially defined myself and could have gone on but....well, it just stopped

.....so I assumed it was over.


So this blog today, is a little lesson....about me

Ask me specific questions.....if you ask me to tell you about myself and don't receive a response, check out some of my web pages...you'd know 'something' about me...if you read them....then we'll have the makings of a good conversation

If you call me and I don't answer....for days...I'm probably feel 'me' out at that moment--it may not be a good day and I may hate the world at that time...so you wouldn't want to talk to me anyway....I'm kinda saving you some grief too

I don't really care what people say but I watch what they do....that's how I determine their character and their position in my life

That's just a little Saturday knowledge on me. The jets and mess are practicing for the air show and it's driving my baby crazy...."scared of airplaaaanes," he cries. So mothering calls, I have to comfort him. Have a nice, long weekend! REALLY relax for a change.

Stay peace

Genesis

Baseball Season In The Hood

This blog was inspired by The Bizarre JC Martin ----) Click here for her blog "Summertime Fun"

Life Lessons Realized

Baseball season meant the WORLD to me! My dad would bring out the old cleats; dusting and polishing them off like we did the mantle full of trophies he'd won playing the sport. Lacing them up carefully to make sure they still 'fit'. I don't remember exactly what he would say, but it was always funny. Although his serious, quiet statuesque demeanor would make you believe otherwise, he was really a gentle giant; until crossed.

After the cleats were finished, he'd send me or my brother to get his bat. I use to loathe searching for that bat. The search itself was fine but carrying it to him was my issue. I'd always complain about how 'ghetto' he was because he had drilled a hole into the handle of the bat, filled it with water and corked it. My thoughts were, 'we are always nigga-riggin' sh**'. None the less, when I found the bat, he'd begin his annual ritual of cleansing it too.

The cleats, the bat, and we are half way there. This is when I would start to get excited. The only thing left was to launder his uniform. Yes, the uniform that made my dad look like a 'real' athlete! I loved the way my father's smile warmed my heart while in his uniform. This seemed like the only time he smiled so wide and so full of excitement. I had grown to love seeing him that gleeful. My mom would reset some of the buttons, around his ever-growing belly, and make sure he had his calf-high socks to hide the fact that he had actually gained a few inches in height as well. Whomever said people shrink as they get older was a liar, or it could have been the socks had shrunk.....

Mommy would make sure we had a cooler for the adults and a cooler for the kids. No sense in buying pop and chips from the vendor at Thurgood Marshall when we could just bring our own, right? Right....

I watched my father run around the bases until one year he utilized a sub. My daddy would hit the ball and the sub, a guy quite a few years younger, would run the bases because his knees had gotten bad. It bothered me so much not to see MY daddy running those bases. Those runs gave me all the reason in the world to give my daddy another hug, another kiss. Those runs are what had my mother, who was a home maker, scrubbing his uniforms after each game. Without those runs, what was the point?

It wasn't until years later that I understood the point...

It wasn't about cleats. It wasn't about water-filled bats, uniforms, and coolers. It was about fellowshipping; camaraderie and mixing it with good ole fun. It was about making lasting friendships and enjoying family time. My childhood experiences there prepared me to understand that things change and we need to change with them. To understand that though the method changes, you can still attain desirable outcomes. The basic things we need when life deals us bad hands. The things people don't seem to have time for or can understand these days.

From the age of six until 16, I spent the majority of my time on baseball diamonds, in most of the cities in Ohio. In what I thought was following my dad, the baseball star, was really teaching me things that I wouldn't understand until now.

Last week, my husband announced that he would be joining a baseball team this season and I almost cried...


The baseball field wasn't the only place I learned lessons......more to come

Stay peace

genesis

CRY, OH LORD, OUR COUNTRY (poem)

CRY, OH LORD, OUR COUNTRY

I stand with iron fist
pumping in air

CRY, OH LORD, OUR COUNTRY

tears of despair
trickle down cheeks of innocent children

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

what about the hunger of their minds,
attempting to understand?
man
almost blind and guilty by
being born
man

CRY, OH LORD, OUR COUNTRY

immune to nothing
they stand with shallow breaths
confused and misguided
or unguided
as we
man
strive and stride
without them

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

CRY, OH LORD, OUR COUNTRY

place guns in children’s hands
so they can defend themselves

WHY NOT?

we are so preoccupied with those
we think are spying on us
lying on us
mistrusting ourselves
digging our own
sleeper holes

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

selfishness taking over the wheel
leaving tire tracks on the children's back

CRY, OH LORD, OUR COUNTRY

they fight a losing battle
from the first wail they produce
from their mother's womb

crying, wailing, crying

hungering and thirsting
for the path
which WE have not laid

CRY

OH LORD

OUR COUNTRY

for the children will not
be
saved


©3.2.07 Genesis

All rights reserved

*May not be duplicated, in any form, without the expressed, written consent of the author

We've Got To Do Better: Hot Ghetto Mess....hmmm

We did it again!

We, or rather BET, has found another way to perpetuate the media's take on ridiculousness! Even though Hot Ghetto Mess claims to lie under the pretenses of the slogan 'We've got to do better', it still serves as a vehicle to air and make fun of the less than desired folk; US.

Charlie Murphy (Eddie's brother)

It's just hard for me to accept that this show is actually an attempt to encourage people on how NOT to act. I find it purely entertaining. It's not family friendly, at all (unless you call seeing a crack head say 'I suck a little di** and smoke a little crack, family oriented). They mostly portray THE African American. I mean, really, they should have just coined a minstrel show!

The shows idea hails from the website www.hotghettomess.com where patrons of the site are asked to submit 'wild and crazy' videos/pictures. Now who, in their right mind....aww forget it.

My issue with the show is that I want them to be real. This isn't to discourage 'ghetto' behavior. It's a show meant to highlight some dumb shit people have done! So STOP badgering me over the head with 'WE'VE GOT TO DO BETTER' and make me laugh damnit!

The Storms of Our Lives (Cleveland Wake Up!)

Yesterday, I laid in my bed listening to the clap and clamor of the thunderstorm that was getting more serious by the minute. I checked the clock to see that it was 7:30 a.m. At 7:35 a.m., thunder shook my house and one by one, the kids started trickling to my bed.

Mmm.... I thought. This is going to be my CHANCE to sleep in! Get real...

Between the loudness of the storm and disturbed whining from my children, ALL hell was about to break loose. I turned the television to some idiotic kids station so that my children can be lulled by them only to have the damn power shut off temporarily, courtesy a la storm.

So I drag myself and my two youngest out of MY bed and head downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast....cereal that is......

My life is great hunh! You bet your ass it is!

I'm lucky my kids love me the way they do. I'm lucky that they feel SAFE around me and seek me for that safety. Life outside of my house, this morning, wasn't so nice and they found comfort in mommy's arms....how about that!

All the while, I find out that there is a shortage of powder cocaine here, in Cleveland, Ohio! Well whoop-d-damn-doo! What about the other stuff that's in abundance? In a few articles I read, it appeared that someone wanted kudos for this feat. NOT! That's your damn job. Just as it is my job to ensure my children are healthy and safe.

Someone is missing the mark. We have too many crack heads strolling the streets, feigning. We have too many talented people who are unemployed. We have too many teachers who don't like their jobs. We have a SMOKING BAN! Something is VERY wrong with the whole city's sewer system, just look at this mess....

Yes, that's flooding! Cleveland flooded yesterday, as I held my scared children in my arms. Freeways were closed down and about 35 people had to be rescued from their cars....... See what happens when the city doesn't do work on it's streets. One particular brook (Doan, I believe) was suppose to have work done on it to prevent flooding, but it never got completed. The project ran over budget and they said 'Aww, to hell with it'. Even though one of our seasons is construction season! Yes we have winter, spring, summer, fall, and construction....

Cleveland needs to wake up! Our downtown is pretty but ridiculously expensive. The new bowling alley charges $35 an hour on weekends to bowl. The clubs have nothing but lingering thugs running around and half dressed chicken heads shaking their butts. The crime rate is soaring. Hell, even my house was robbed last year AND I know ALL the thugs! Loyalty is dead....

Well enough of my morning rants! I'm off to make breakfast, yes cereal, for my little ones.

I hear there will be another storm today.....

How Dare You Ask To Check My Credit.....

How dare you ask to check my credit!

This is what goes through my mind every time I'm asked to 'sign-on-the-dotted-line" by a potential employer. I understand the mechanics of the entire situation but it still doesn't really make sense to me....

Employers want to check your credit so they can be sure your salary will cover your debt....
--I'm just so sure they are looking out for my best interest.

Employers want to judge your character by your ability to manage your debt.....
--AHA Houston, we have touch down! This is probably the closest to the truth we will get..

I don't understand how ANYONE can judge someone's character by snooping through a credit report. Just because I manage money badly, doesn't mean I don't have good character! Just because I couldn't get that bill paid, from five years ago, doesn't mean I'm not a hard worker. It doesn't mean I'm not trustworthy and deserving of a position in someone's company. It simply means that I'm NOT GOOD WITH MONEY thus MY NEED FOR THE JOB.

Not to mention, there are consequences for too many inquiries for one's credit report.

Don't get me wrong, I can see this practice as practical in some fields of work. Anything financially related, I would agree to employers wanting to see how their potential employee manages money. But, for the life of me, I can't see why any other business would need to.

Stick to the damn background checks and let's call it a day!