Honest Isn’t the Best Policy…it’s the only policy!
Have you ever started a statement with ‘honestly…’ If so…STOP! You are about to lie! Why would you even imply that you are dishonest? Remember the old saying:
…it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it
I’d like to take a look at ‘its not what you say’…Well, what you ‘had not’ said was that you were untruthful…at some point…in life… It also ‘implies’ that you don’t believe your friend wants the truth, even though they asked for your honest opinion. You just wanted to be sure…right? Yeah, unh hunh…
Believe it or not, the thoughts and ideas that people don’t speak about can impact their entire statements overall message. While this isn’t an ‘aha’ moment in a philosophical school of thought, its announcement needs to be reignited. It’s cliché-ness (yes, I made that up) has overrun the true wisdom behind it.
Advancing to my interpretation of ‘it’s how you say it’ ... hopefully you haven’t told Sista-girl the truth about those too small pants…yet.
If it’s how you say it, then how do you say it?
Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to find a ‘nice’ way to tell your friend she’s fat. I ‘want’ you to tell her she’s fat. Why? Because it’s the truth! The truth will set you…and her bulges…free. Keep in mind this theorem is a bit longer than others. It’s going to take a little more convincing than usual…right? Right.
So…back to your friend, the need to be honest, and using the f word. Lets look at your friend first. She’s overweight, restricting the circulation in her waist, and asking for your ‘honest’ opinion on her apparel choice….
How do you say it…honestly?
Humor always works if one person laughs, even if that person is you. Laughter has a way of easing tension when you have to tell a hard truth. Most psychiatrists and psychologist will tell you this defense mechanism is used to divert the intent of the message. I say, so what! You’re telling her something that is uncomfortable for you to say, so what’s wrong with a little mental soothing? Not a thing! This is my proposal…
Snicker and say ‘suck your fat in, if you can’t, I think you should wear these (while offering her another choice of pant)…I like them better anyway…
Your friend is not going to be hurt…why? Because she knows she’s fat. She wakes up every morning in her body. You are only validating her thoughts. The same thoughts she had when she tried to zip her pants. It may seem cold when written but with ‘honesty’ in your voice, she’ll know you aren’t being malicious.
If she is truly your friend, not only would you tell her she’s fat, you’d care about her health and offer your assistance. Be it a walk…workout…together…or even becoming educated on the consequences of being overweight. Friends care enough about each other to remain truthful and open, right?
By saying what needs to be said, the way it should be said will place value in your opinions. Your being straight forward AND helpful to your friend will create a bond that is truthful and wholesome.
So, slap a fat friend on the ass and tell them if they passed the jiggle test…if it doesn’t jiggle a little, it’s too small or they are too fat…
Theorem: Say exactly what needs to be said, it’s better that way…