Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Short Change... AA Facts For the Shortest Month of the Year (02.01.08)

Here are African American FIRSTS for February 1st

Mayor of a major city (Cleveland...u knew I'd represent)

Carl Stokes

President of the Harvard Law Review
Barack Obama

(prophesy...he'll also be the first AA President of the US)

Inventor of blood banks

Dr. Charles Drew


Lucy Terry


Number of states in which blacks are the largest minority group. These states are Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wisconsin. (Note: Minorities are part of a group other than single-race non-Hispanic white.)

Check Yo Self Thursday (1.31.08)

You know... I had to check myself because I realized that I start shit at the WRONG time...yup, I admit it... I do it quite frequently.

Case in point... at the stroke of midnight, on my birthday, I woke my husband up to ask him about something I had no business looking at in the first place... yup, I admit that too... but curiosity is a wild thing and my impulsiveness... is even worse. Needless to say, for my birthday... I got cussed out at 7 in the morning... I wasn't mad about it... I deserved it... but it didn't ruin my day... plus I was born at 4:32 p.m. so it wasn't officially my day... yet

So I'm going to practice patience... and listen to that lil bitty voice that tells me to think before I speak or think before I wake-up a black man over some b.s. that really isn't important.

Damn... I'm checking myself HARD... cause I hurt his feelings and interrupted his sleep... causing him to be late to work... lesson learned.

What did you have to check this week?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Birth of the Day Blog

I'M GONE SIP BACARDI (or some alcoholic beverage) CAUSE IT'S MY BURFDAY

Yup, I made it to my 32nd year of existence. Can't thank anybody but God for that one... I had some fun with my sister-in-laws over the weekend (for my burfday), endured millions of jokes about turning 35, even though it ain't true... but I laughed anyway... hey who cares... I've got another year under my belt...

With the hours quickly approaching my big day (Jan. 30), I've thought a lot about me. I've thought about what defines me... actually been doing this for a couple of days now... yesterday's thoughts made me go ahead and do what my mom termed the BC (Big Chop)... for all that didn't know, I had relaxed my hair for what I thought was the greater good... better employment opportunities in Tha Land where jobs are continually diminishing... yesterday, that hair became a memory and should be resting in the landfill by tomorrow afternoon (trash day). I mulled over the mounds of books my mom had on natural hair care and I missed that nappy part of me. That's the REAL me. I grabbed my clippers (which just happened to be at her house) and gave her bathroom sink and floor a healthy dose of chemically altered hair. I went from hair that fell nicely around my shoulders to having hair that made my son say 'put on some earrings mommy 'cause you look like a boy'... and I love it! It was my burfday present... to myself. Putting me back in perspective...and... my sister-in-laws are gonna kill me... but I warned them...

I finished reading Uncle Tom's Children by Richard Wright... the edition republished in 1965... it was one of the most engrossing reads I've EVER had... I slept on him cause I don't like the little small books with the small print. But something about the gorgeous black man with only a half visible face (and some on-looker standing behind him) made me want to know his secrets... and to do that, I had to read the book. See... covers DO matter. Now I have to pick up the rest. I read one of his other books, but that was long ago and I still have it... gotta check it out again... cause I missed something... definitely missed something...

So far I've read 11 books this year... that's a first for me... made it a point to get a lot of reading done... got reading goals this year... that's a first for me too...

My 6 year old son received the 'Most Outstanding Student' award today... mama doing good
My 14 year old daughter is writing a book... mama doing 'REAL' good
and my 2 year old rubbed my head and said 'I wike ur hairrr mommeee'... mama done hit the jackpot

Age has a way of making you live in moments... relish them... revel in them... desire more of them. It has a way of making you understand just how precious each second is... a way of making you stop and think or stop... and live. I don't know how it does it... it just does. Gone are the days of wasting time (though some would think blogging was just that...oh how little do they understand) for the sake of wasting time... I get mad when mine is wasted... how about you?

Even thought about death lately... not my own but of those I love... who still live. I thought about my reactions to some of those who have gone on and why I responded the way I had... it's simple... regret....

If you live and love the people you say you do... and each moment with them is fully spent WITH them... laughing... crying... listening... talking... being silent... then there is no room for regret.

When people make their transition...we grieve... naturally... and move on

When people make their transition and we grieve... with regrets (I wish I wouldn't have argued as much, I wish I was there when they needed to talk, I wish I would have just been able to say goodbye) we need to check our selfishness and try not to make the same mistake... again...

The how is individual... my how is above... each moment with them is fully spent WITH them... laughing... crying... listening... talking... being silent... knowing I've spent whatever time have with them well and to the best of my ability would help me heal... if they pass before I do

So while most do what they do on their birthdays... I'm going to grab a bottle of something, sit my black behind on my black couch and think some more about me... the me that I am, the me that I want to be to others, and the me that I have yet to see...

stay peace


Friday, January 25, 2008

So Funk'dified....

Funky moods are all around threatening to take you out of your joyous you... your normal you. I'm no different. I've been in a funky mood for a couple of days. Not wanting to do anything, talk to anyone, and definitely not think about anything. My funk turns me into a vegetable. I let evil forces overwhelm my body without protest. I hate that. But yesterday, when the funk woke me up with a headache that Tylenol couldn't cure, I made it a point to 'get up, get out, cut the bullshit out'... as OutKast said...

The first thing I did was take a shower... so what it was 4 in the evening. I knew taking a shower and putting on some of my frankincense and myrrh body oil was gonna make me feel soooo good. Not only do I enjoy the smell, the hubby likes it; claiming I smell like incense. Not only that, I showered with a soap I made with peppermint oil. I knew those two things would take me up out of my funk. I'm one for awakening the senses. It's just something about smells and music that make me believe I can conquer the world... so of course I played Teena Marie's Out On A Limb... I was almost cured. Now I needed to please my eyes. I read Nice Dreads by Lonnice B. Bonner... I'm going to loc... starting in March...

So funk doesn't have to last forever. And those of us that know something is wrong but don't know what it is... need to find an immediate way to make ourselves feel better... or risk losing time you can never recapture....

What do you do to get outta your funk? I'd love to know... maybe I can adapt another technique for myself and vice versa.

stay peace

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Check Yo Self Thursday

Hey All!

I'm checking myself because I need to listen more. Someone wise told me I had two ears and a mouth for a reason; to listen twice as much as I speak... yeah, I'm hard headed. That lil aquarian trait the makes me do my own thing without regard for directions or warnings or whatevers. So I'm checking myself for not listening to people like I should. And there is no particular situation, just in general. I'm sure if I had listened to someone then I'd have a specific example...

What do you need to check yourself about this week?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Check Yo' Self...

I've finally done it... I've found a day that I can theme! Waiting so long for the inspiration, waiting so patiently for a topic... and it's here.

I've decided to coin my Thursday blogs 'Check Yo' Self Thursdays'... Here, I plan to post something I've had to check myself about over the week, with the hopes of changing my perspective or whatever it is I need to change. It's a day of introspection... a day where you can reveal that you've done something wrong, or had think about or re-think something... reposition your morals, etc. etc...

I'm checking mySELF because... (should be how you introduce it... every Thursday... my only requirement... then feel free to comment on others checking themSELVES)

OKAY? Okay...

I'm checking myself because the way I think, at times, keeps me accepting a certain level of separatism yet bitching about it when it isn't so... confused? Let a sista break it down...

I went in Half-Price Book Stores the other day. It was one I had never been in, needless to say my mom and I traveled to East Hell to find it AFTER we left Borders... When I got there, I scoured the labels on EVERY shelf in that humongous store and became quite perturbed when there wasn't a section for AA fiction. They had AA studies but I wasn't looking to study... I wanted me some feel good something... maybe even some gritty something... and there was NO section in the store for me to peruse for it...

I thought about going up to the desk to ask, until I passed a Terry McMillan book in the general fiction section. So I started to look at the titles instead of the labels and what I found was that in this East Hell HPBS we (AA) were integrated! Here is where my problem was...

While I was grateful for the act, I found it HARD to find an AA book to read. It wasn't that hard when I went to other HPBS and walked my lazy behind over to the AA section (all three shelves of it) and found a few titles that piqued my interest... ALL the while complaining about why we have a section anyway... But in this store, I was upset because they didn't have an (easy) section for me to walk to and grab something from... what the hell?

Do you know what type of mental anguish that caused me. How could I be so... so... conflicting? I had to take my own criticism like a big girl though... I had to dust off my OLD thought process and really check my black behind. Growing up a little... maybe a lot... but when I checked out, I had to right my 'wrong'... I let the clerk know that I was very impressed about AA titles being mixed with all the 'other' titles...

Then I got my bubble busted. The very nice blond told me, in a little I'm-uncomfortable voice that they received so little of it, it was best to just mix it in...

Ohh how I deflated... I THOUGHT it was because our fiction was just as good and there was no need to separate. I THOUGHT it was a sales tactic... after all it made ME purchase one of my oldie-but-goodies (The Canterbury Tales)...

A while later I realized it didn't matter WHY they chose to integrate... the MOST important thing was why I was so bothered yet elated about it!

I had to check myself y'all...


stay peace


Monday, January 14, 2008

Prison Mentality Permeating Reality

Created January of last year...

Prison Mentality Permeating Reality

Steel smacks steel as I dream
of a quiet place
where names were created by letters not numbers
summers spent 'out in the yard'
bore a different meaning
back when time raced and
I chased it
Now sitting around wasting it
has taken a substantial amount of my autobiography
and made my life irrelevant

Organized like the perfect planner
mindless banter with knuckle-heads
and bones slapping tables
Better times were when I was able
to eat when I wanted to eat
play when I wanted to play
I could move on or I could stay
but this residence, is my consequence
an it's almost time for lights out
midnight shouts
as the screams of souls un-living
yearn for the yesteryear

I've tried to be free mentally
it only works as long as you’re
not being sought to be shanked
booked and yanked by those
supposing to protect you
'I'm gone break yo neck fool'
echoes in eardrums that have long
left society

I left from behind bars
baring emotional scars
that give me night sweats
and jitterbugs
watching shadows
breathing shallow
I had to go back

It's easier to deal with enemies when you know who they are....

1.2007 Genesis

No tolerance for dumb things!

When I woke up this morning my husband informed me that Lebron James was going to jail... I said 'HUNH' not Broni (that's my lil nick name for I name all the basketball players). Then he told me the brotha was speeding... okay... so? Then he told me he was doing over 100 mph in a 65 mph zone... I said 'lock his behind up!' While we both know he won't go to jail over this (maybe pay a fine and do some community service), I just can't understand why he 'chose' to drive so fast... I just have no tolerance for dumb things...

Then poor Marion J, lawd have mercy on her and her babies, is wrapped up in check fraud... can't understand it... don't know how she got in that mess, but I'm sure it had to do with a man... leading her into temptation... But why? I'm disappointed... check fraud? I'm clueless... but I have no tolerance for dumb things... No comment on the steroids... even though that's stupid too.

I couldn't be a judge... I'd lock everybody up. Say something stupid... you'd get three to five... Think something stupid (I'm telepathic... no usually it's written all over peoples faces)... you'd get five to ten... Act stupid... you'd get LIFE!

My momma taught me to THINK... she also taught me when to listen and when to speak (a few back-handed slaps drove the message well!) I carry those messages like a schizophrenic hearing voices... they follow me... they guide me... Now I question, would money... fame make them hard to listen to? Or is it we have expectations for celebrities and when they mess up, even if one time, we have to punish them harshly for their mistake? Ion know... all I do know is I have no tolerance for dumb things and as sad as it may be, these two people have been knocked down a notch on my celebrity scale. Their images, for me, will forever be tarnished by their inability to THINK!

stay peace


Monday, January 7, 2008

I Go On and On, On and On

Ohh, my, my, my
I'm feelin' high
My money's gone
I'm all alone
Too much 2 see, the world keeps turnin'
Oh what a day, what a day, what a day

Peace & blessins' manifest
With every lesson learned
If yo knowledge were yo wealth
Then it would B well earned
If we were made in His image
Then call us by our names
Most intellects do not B-lieve in God
But their fear us just the same.

On & On and On & On
My cipher keeps movin' like a rollin' stone
I go On & On and On & On
Alright till the break of dawn
On & On and On & On
My cipher keeps movin' like a rollin' stone
On & On and On & On
Got damnit I'ma sing my song

I connected my mp3 player to my stereo and my husband observed that I had exactly 8 songs by Erykah Badu on that device. I said "Hell yeah, she's one of my top 5", he shook his head... not wanting me to go into another LONG explanation of why she deserves such a standing. The above lyrics to On & On is the 'short' version of why she sits with me on my throne. Now, I didn't plan on making a blog about why she's important to me and I'm still not going to (gotcha!). But I will say that her music (lyrics), along with Jill Scott, Floetry, Meshelle Ndgellocello (ohh, I butchered her last name), Musiq Soulchild (and all my other neosoul favs) stay in heavy rotation in my home.

Sometimes when I don't understand my man, I listen to Teach Me by Musiq...

I was told the true definition of a man was to never cry
Work till your tired (yeah) got to provide (yeah)
Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means
(and give you the things that you need, baby)
Our relationship is (suffering) trying to give you (what I never had)
You say I don't know to love you baby
Well I say show me the way
I keep my feelings (deep inside I)
Shadow them (with my pride eye)
I'm trying desperately baby just work with me

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how to love

and like magic... I understand...

They validate my struggles... makes the blow easier to deal with when you know you're not unique in your problems. They celebrate the very things I celebrate... Black love, family, solidarity, individuality, peace, freedom, awareness etc. Somehow I feel... represented and feeling so, I must show appreciation by exposing those around me to their feel-good-ness.

Remember when your parents played all that blues... and you didn't understand WHY they liked that slow, depressing... umm... music? I remember, and to this day, can hear some older man singing about a man named 'Uncle Bud' who, to me, was perverse and embarrassing. My opinion wasn't important at the time... since I was a kid... but now... I understand. Though I don't know the message in the song, I'm sure the music was symbolic of something... something they were going through, something they felt... That something is what propelled my parents to play it... just as that 'something' makes me press repeat on my stereo... until he kids start singing along... then... well...

So... what songs/artists make you Go On & On?

Wednesdays & Fridays Blog