I didn't, and still don't, plan to chronicle my school tales each day, but today was just as weird as getting kicked out of class yesterday....
So I finished my applications early and decided to adjust the computer settings back to how they were before I started. Background plain (check) Screen saver: default (check)
I looked into my textbook, you know, to read ahead and...
I jumped from the noise and noticed my computer screen was blank. Then I glanced at the tower and the power light wasn't on....then I smelled smoke....
Oh Hell NAW!!!
I jumped up to inform my instructor, who was working with another student. I tried to be patient, but the burning smell began to get stronger, so I tapped him on the shoulder and alerted him of the issue.
He jumps up, like Super Man, minus the S on his chest, removes all of the cables and high tails it out the door with the computer......it sat in the rain....wow
He then explained that he'd been there 13 years and nothing like that had ever happened. Well...you know what they say about firsts...I'm a trailblazer baby...lol
Needless to say...despite blowing up their computer, I completed my first application (extremely fast) and was given my certificate. He explained how excited he was to have a student go through the application so fast and how he had 'connections' with publishing companies in Cleveland. Even told me he would give them a call to see if they are looking for someone and if not, would I be allowed to do an internship there....BINGO
We discussed my educational goals a little further then he dared me to test out of a few applications; which I did...tested out of beginner and intermediate word but I opted to still go through the intermediate application...for my own benefit. Could have flew straight to advanced, but as it looks now, I'm slated to finish a month and a half ahead of schedule...but I'd still need to attend to obtain the hours. He gave me options for that issue as well...
Ahhh...this chapter, by far, has been the most dramatic....but I like it like that.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I didn't, and still don't, plan to chronicle my school tales each day, but today was just as weird as getting kicked out of class yesterday....
Monday, October 22, 2007
First day of school....
had to be there at 9 a.m. arrived at 9 a.m.---this wasn't good for me, I like being a lil bit early....but okay
Had a mini-orientation...again. Read the rules, signed a few documents, etc., etc., etc.,
Just when everyone started sounding like the teacher from Charlie Brown, I heard the most angelic voice say, "We've been waiting on you!" To look around, like she wasn't referring to me, would have been stupid...so I didn't. I smiled and said, "Really? That's pretty cool..."
I didn't have to ask why...already knew why...I told y'all I was self-absorbed and my plans were brilliant. See, my agenda preceded my attendance at the school. They knew I had clear cut goals and my follow-up and follow-through is awesome...in most areas ;) I'm not perfect...all the time...or even most of the time...but so far, I've been perfect to them because I'm not the usual there. I'm quite abnormal. I have standards and have no qualms about setting them....
My training is being funded through some program I don't even know...it doesn't matter (to me anyway) But in order to obtain the scholarship, I had to jump a few hurdles, roll over a few times, and wag my tail to a T-Pain song. Then I had to get up and do it over again...and I did it flawlessly....effortlessly, without complaint, even smiled about having to do it...it's called 'a process'....'a requirement'...patience
After hearing about how fast I'd breeze through the program, I started my computer applications with ease...nothing hard about the day at all...until 12:30, the instructor kind of slid in a comment about leaving at 1:30
I wasn't planning on leaving until 2...still had one application to finish...after all, I'm trying to complete the whole program early...that's how I do it, you know...
I look at the clock----) 1:15
I tap a few more keys ---) 1:25
I go through a few more pages of things I already know, but don't mind refreshing ----) 1:37
I hear the word KARMA, then look around and I'm the only student left in the classroom...cool with me, I have business to attend to.
The instructor mumbled a few words, so I removed my headphones and asked him to please repeat what he said. This is how it went:
Instructor (looking at the clock): Most people don't take a lunch, so they cut out early
Me: Really? I'm not going to do anything but go home and get on the computer anyway
Instructor: Oh, but I really wanted to leave at 1:30
Me: O.k. So you can't leave until I leave?
Instructor: Well, no. I don't want to bother any of the other instructors cause they have things to do...
(like I don't have things to do)
Me: Oh...let me finish this one part, it'll take a couple of seconds. Is that cool?
Instructor (looking at watch again): That's fine.
Me: You want me to turn the computer off?
I gather my things and walked out of the door, thinking....what the hell was that? Why should I have to leave because he wants to leave? What kind of bush*t is this...it wasn't in the rules that I could leave whenever I wanted, so why should I have to leave when someone else wants me to? The time says 9-2...Funny thing is the instructor doesn't arrive until 10 which means I'm there an entire hour without him...but I can't be there, at the end of the day, for 30 minutes...without him....
This is why I'm so confused at times ... I mean...it's only Monday and I done already got kicked outta class...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I had a conversation with a woman I consider my best friend...always have considered her that...and she told me some things I already knew about myself...but I felt better about it being validated
I always come to a stand still...in life
Where I need to readjust my thoughts, my feelings, my everyday happenings...my life. I've done so many things and have had so many experiences, but lack of 'real' knowledge has always had me starting things without finishing them, or without finishing them before I start something...new. I can't help it...I'm flighty.
Tomorrow is somewhat different for me though. Tomorrow I start school...tomorrow, I start working toward a well thought out goal...hmmmm....that's extremely new to me. I'm whimsical. I'm carefree. I'm self-absorbed...most times. But this path that I've chosen to take...is freaking 'brilliant' to me. I did a lot of self evaluation; decided what it was I loved to do, how to get some letters behind my name for it, and get paid to have the type of fun I really want to have.
I see it working...this time. I see a brighter future for my family and I. I see more happiness beyond the horizon...and I'm stoked!
It all started with the question: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Three kids and a husband later, I just now realized....I've grown up. I don't have time for idle dreams. I wanted to be a lawyer, until I participated in my first mock trial. At that point, I realized I didn't like to argue if it wasn't to defend myself...NEXT...
I then wanted to be a hairstylist. I went to school, even paid for my managers course. Yes, I'm a Licensed Managing Cosmetologist...who doesn't do hair anymore. Decided I couldn't work in someone else's salon...people are devious and don't care...if it isn't their own....NEXT
I went back to the drawing board....yup, you guessed it...COLLEGE...
After all, I had a full scholarship, that I earned while in the 6th grade, to THE Ohio State University...that I passed on to raise my child...I'm sorta like a...a...genius (okay nerd but so flipping what). I finished with a degree in Social Work which was a no brainer because it was something I was good at, right? Very, very WRONG....
I'm extremely good at working with people...but the field itself, leaves a LOT to be desired, like hmmmm....MONEY.....NEXT
I even tried being a housewife...twice...ain't my cup of java...NEXT
So I've dabbled in quite a bit and most of my experiences I've really enjoyed. Well, maybe that's a lie. The lessons I've learned from my experiences is what I enjoy. I reflect on what I've done, where I've been, and who I've met and it all really does come full circle.
Success is subjective. I'm very successful...but there is so much more success to be enjoyed, why not take full advantage of it? I'm not the type of person who becomes complacent....I'm not the type of person who just accepts...
While my actions may appear erratic, irrational, way out there in the atmosphere somewhere...they are purposeful to me.
This next step will set me up to be...the very me I aspire to be...
So heres to first chapters....I'm looking forward to many more of them....
Friday, October 19, 2007
This is the second time around for me...
Last year, November 1, 2006, I participated in National Novel Writer's Month (NaNoWriMo) and successfully crossed the finish line with a little over 50,000 words. It was one of the easiest things I've ever did in my life, in hindsight.
This years challenge...is somewhat different...somewhat more difficult...and I'm somewhat nervous about it.
I've always accepted the fact that the more you know, the more you grow...which may have been a chant embedded in my brain from the good ole days of grade school...sorta like the 'just say no' campaign.... I've also come into an even better depiction of the saying courtesy of Mama Deep (and I might add that she's extremely DEEP) acVernon Menchan--who says you know better so you must do better--to paraphrase....
But as I've grown, I've learned that the more I know...sometimes hinders me
Sometimes makes me forget that simplicity works best
Sometimes makes me over-think things that need not be over-thought....ya feel me?
I understand about turning the inner editor off...but can I do it? Last year, I didn't have to, because I didn't have an inner editor...at the time. But through my experience as a reviewer for A Place Of Our Own (APOOO)--www.apooo.org-- I've become more aware of my editing issues and slightly aware of how to change them. And through my experience with novel writing, I've learned that because I write good poetry, doesn't mean I can write good books--even though I'm learning--and that I must study...which I do daily...to become a great and respected author.
Yes, this years challenge, is actually a challenge for me...but I welcome it with an open heart and open arms....though I don't doubt that I'll complete it....I can't deny that I'm nervous, and become even more nervous as it gets closer to November 1st!
If you want more information about NaNoWriMo, please visit www.nanowrimo.org and don't forget to add me as a buddy (poeticgenesis) if you sign up.
For a glimpse of my first experience, check out the interview with Emanuel Carpenter on BlogginginBlack.com (----click there
Monday, October 15, 2007
Did you happen to check out the pictures of the worms on my sidebar? Yeah...those...
I hate worms, but I captured the first picture on my camera phone. I figured this must've been one of those 'had-to-be-there' kind of things to see. I knew I would share it...at some point.
To take the picture...made me itch...again....I hate worms...as much as I hate clowns (but that's another blog).
I started thinking about life while watching the worms mate. I started to see them as a symbol of how I know I make others feel...on purpose...sometimes.
I make them itch
getting close enough to the soul...the truth
to irritate them
but I do it...on purpose
I make people itch because I know they can do better...I just want to let them know I know...you follow me?
I may say something on the sly--just enough to illicit a raised eyebrow. Or I may discuss how I feel about something seemingly unrelated (but totally related) to them. Or I will just come out and say it...for all of my literal people out there...just depends on who the person is, (my perception of) their character defects, and what they may be struggling with...
BUT regardless of how I tell them...
I want the itch to propel them to action. I want it to bother them so much they scratch it...but not enough to make it go away.
I want the itch to be a constant reminder that someone cares enough to rub them the wrong way...purposefully...
I want it to make them uncomfortable and motivated to find a cure for it...for themselves.
I don't know about you, but I choose to surround myself with greatness and I can't expect any less of you...if you are my friend...you'll understand...one day
And if you've rubbed me, lovingly, the wrong way...THANKS! I probably wouldn't be who I am today had I not, at least, scratched.
I've learned that all dreams are important. I've also learned that the smallest dreams usually mean the most. While riding, shotgun, to take my husband to work, we talked about our dreams of being millionaires...a la lottery.
See, we only need 8 million dollars...8 million dollars and our entire family will be set...for life
We divied (hood term for divided) up the earnings...
- $100,000 to our 6 siblings
- a home and car for our parents
- college fund for our 7 (yes 7) children
- a newly constructed home for us, including a separate playhouse for our entertainment
- our business...the fliest night club in the the country and my computer graphic design company
Whatever is left...is for investment and savings...
I was happy.
At that moment, I was a millionaire. I was worry free, for the time being. Then we arrived at his place of employment...he got out of the car...and so did my dream, temporarily.
I couldn't wait to put this down on paper...or blog...cause while dreaming and researching how dreams become reality...I've learned that you MUST write down your goals...you MUST set objectives to reach them...and while I really don't plan to become a millionaire via the lottery (that part is my husband's dream), I DO plan to have millions!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
When I was about 12, I remember a woman, in her late 20's, coming to my home...to fight me. She knocked on my mother's front door and when I saw her, I asked her to wait a second by putting my index finger in the air....
Two minutes later I returned to the front door...with a shotgun...(true story)
Today, a 14 year old student took two guns to school and opened fire. There were four people shot...two teachers...two students and possibly one dead...the shooter. They say it may be from a self-inflicted wound. I say it's because no one was there to protect him...from himself.
Violence is taking over my city. Can I blame it on the fact that we are the poorest city in the country...maybe Can I blame it on teachers no longer willing to teach...maybe Can I blame it on teen pregnancy...probably Can I blame it on parents...definitely!
I've watch violence become the new limelight. I've watched kids sell drugs to their friend's parents and their own siblings, but tell their parents to cop from their dudes.
I've walked into schools and witnessed armed security guards taking 'high' students to the front door and unleashing them into the world..alone...where were his parents? Working...maybe At home asleep...maybe Picking him up from school...definitely not!
Is it me, or have we chosen to let law enforcement officials, teachers, and drug dealers parent our children? Have we decided that work supersedes parenting? Have we decided to be blind to what the hell is going on around us because it isn't our problem?
Cleveland, wake the hell up!
Mayor Jackson...you'll be hearing from me Parents...I hope you decide to do your job before violence hits your home...and you become a subject for my blog.
Times have changed since I pulled a piece of steel larger than me on someone...in hindsight, I had no respect for life
Now...it's seems that no one does...especially our youth!
I don't believe we have a future...with kids like these....
stay peace...if that's possible
as I finished this...it was confirmed the 14 year old committed suicide...young white male described as being overall unhappy...may he rest in peace
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
An argument, between my husband and I, became heated when I decided my son would have these. Why, you ask.... Because he didn't want the youngster to have them and I did. His reason...because his brother will want a pair as well My reason...it is a toy and my son wanted it. I also explained to him how I will never base my decision to purchase something for one of my kids by how I think one of the other ones may react.
I left it at that...for him anyway
Now, on to my son...
These were the most hideous things I've ever seen, in my life. I can't stand 'real' grills and definitely can't stand fake ones. I knew once my son put them in his mouth, he'd see how ridiculous they look and chuck 'em in the toy box with his other 'non-cool' toys. My hope is for the $1.99 I spent for these, I will have given my son 'my take' on how grills look--silly
I will have, at least to some small degree, altered his perception of these 'hip' grills. When I showed him the picture of himself donning his grill, he thought it was the most hilarious thing....I asked him if he looked like the rappers...
He said 'yes'
*patting self on the back*
Monday, October 8, 2007
to liquefy and
meticulously consumes my victim
that causes you to think of me
as you sleep
could be the way your caramel dissolves
just enough to produce moisture
that leaves residuals between
from thoughts of you
creating eyelid flutters in anticipation
sweet scents seeping through pores
flesh penetrating flesh
hershey hole devouring milky, honey-yellow caramel
forming puddles in places
yet to be tasted
i'm not afraid
of your caramel cracking
bleeding orgasmic testimony onto
my chocolate covered sheets
where we explored each others flavors
where the firmness
reacted positively to the pliability
where we mingled and moaned ourselves
into a culmination of sheer
leaving a grin so secretive
it tells on itself
even before it begins
when will the warmth of your
caramel-from the friction we create-
lead me to melt all over you
stay peace ----)Genesis
Saturday, October 6, 2007
when i slip clauses before pauses
or totally refuse to adhere to rules of written words
i find authentic freedom...
i release strings of letters...neatly pocketed
i uproot comma's, place them in slingshots
and hurl them into the atmosphere to create colorful rainbows that
brighten children's paths toward creative outlet and appreciation
i create images from deja vu
places my stories have been...fighting to be realized
giving me droplets of moments
frozen in time...some time...magic in my mind
i have no answer to where I get 'it' from
the ability to create isn't something I asked for
it's something that happens when I place pen to pad,
when I get mad,
when I'm glad, and
sadness catapults me to deny myself sleep
for the sake of a fucking word....
i am everything I'm am with this...this thing I can't describe
this thing that makes me write in-stores,
in-notebooks...I haven't paid for...yet
or tear out the pages, remove the ragged edges,
and stuff THE next literary masterpiece in my purse...close to my i.d.
this madness that makes me zone out sometimes;
mentally watching scenarios play,
wondering if something I'm
or listening to
is raping my mind; ejaculating subliminal messages rendering my brain
incompetent and beyond my control...which appears to be working
i have no idea what makes me
write and love to write,
write to read and read to love,
love to write about what i read,
and read to learn about what I love
it's impossible to explain what happens
without appearing mentally ill
but it's similar to you explaining, to me,
why you can't do it--
what happens that makes you unable to be creative?
from my perspective, I can't see how THAT is even possible...
there is no formula, rhyme, or reason
to my being able to make things up
it's really magic...in my mind
told through: genesis
Friday, October 5, 2007
I don't like for grown men to wear shirts with numbers on them. I believe that type of clothing is for children and young teens. As a matter of fact, I find it rather turn-offish.
I also don't like for my food to touch, the mispronunciation of words, people who talk just to talk, and commas...I don't know, it's just me...
It's very important that you learn about yourself. It's essential if you plan to become an author. It takes a while but much effort needs to be placed on this feat; even more effort than it would take to develop a good storyline.
I'm a whimsical poetess. I write complete poems at the drop of a hat and take all of five minutes to complete a piece. I tried the same thing in novel writing and, unfortunately for me, I'm not a whimsical novel writer...
I've learned that I need structure. I need to know my characters before I know my story. I need to outline plots and subplots, asl (age, sex, location for the non-internet savvy), I need to have actual pictures or dolls or cartoon characters...to refer to when I'm describing my character's traits.
I also learned that I'm not the most fashionable person so I tend to stay away from placing my characters in name brand clothing or using current terms like cougar (older women who date younger men), alls-I'm-saying-is, nameen, etc...
I know that writing, for me, is a journey. I'm in it for the long haul so it's important that I continue to get intimate with myself so that others can enjoy me; so that others can feel the sincerity in whatever they read that I've written.
The all mighty dollar looks good in my purse but my name on the shelf with the likes of Gwendolyn Brooks, Ralph Waldo Emerson, William Shakespeare, Paul Lawrence Dunbar, James Arthur Baldwin, Nikki Giovanni, bell hooks etc., means SO much more to me... This goal makes knowing myself mandatory!
I've only been novel writing for a year and there is much more in store for me!
What were some things you learned about yourself when you started writing? Writing evolves as we mature. What ways have your materials matured?
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I was listening to the Michael Baisden show yesterday and learned a very valuable lesson.
There are 'life' things that we naturally teach our children...that goes without explaining. But how often do you possess knowledge that you don't share with your children that could potentially keep them out of harms way?
An example used on the show was children talking to police officers. I've never thought to teach my children 'not' to answer an officers questions. Why not? Because they're officers and the magnitude of their positions causes most of us to teach our youngin's that the POLICE are good people; they are your friends...although we know that's different, at times.
We don't teach them 'not' to answer their questions because we want to believe that most are intrinsically good. The law calls for officers not to question minors without their parents being present, yet we know that most officers lay the questions on thick and quick because they know children don't want to be in trouble (well most don't), especially not with the PO-PO...so they answer and most of it is honest. This is definitely AGAINST the law...but do your children know that? I doubt it.
I'm sharing in the vision of awareness, especially when the law is concerned. While I have encouraged my children to look up to law enforcement officers, which in my hood is hard to reinforce, I have also stolen a little of reality away from them by this action. Children implicate themselves the most so we must learn, right now, how to teach them the right way...as soon as we find out what the right way is.
I had a discussion with my daughter, who hadn't heard the show, and she had so many questions about not answering her 'friends' (cops). I answered all of them the best that I could but we never lost focus on the message....
Teach your children 'not' to answer questions from the police without your presence. It's against the law and if they had anything to do with a crime in question, answering without your presence can land them with a rap sheet.
Upon discussing this with my five-year-old son, he emphatically stated "I hate the po-po"....but that's a whole 'nother discussion
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
As a writer, I find it difficult to keep my mental folders in order. There is so much information available that I often become a victim of information overload and board a broken down bus at least once a week.
Board a broken down bus...what the hell is that, you ask....
It's when I have so much information to process that I stop EVERYTHING...I stop writing, I stop reading, I stop being stimulated by my environment...I even stop being a mommy, daughter, sister, friend, and wife when I board the bus. It's a must if I plan to remain sane!
Every now and again it's okay to stop the presses. I'd like to challenge that it's a MUST...at least when you are a writer. The time frame in which one chooses to take a time out differs, but the goal remains the same.
Don't get it twisted though...just because you take a day off from playing your many roles, writer included, doesn't mean that you do nothing...
It means that you give your mind some time to sort out all of the information you've gathered. Give your mind time to properly organize and file the contents of your mental folders, trash what's not needed, and make notes regarding information you need to gather in the future.
I return to 'business as usual' a little more refreshed and inspired. My senses are more keen and I feel I can conquer another week without falling apart. Information is so empowering and stifling, simultaneously....
This process happens in life, in general, as well. Maybe not as often, but it happens...
How often do you board a broken down bus?