Friday, September 10, 2010

I Don't Want To Lose You T.I.

I don't want to lose you, T.I.
But I think it's time we said badbye
Good-bye implies I'll catch up witcha
Though I really don't see that in the picture....

Ok, so I'm not a rapper, but I've got potential :) Anyway...I've been wanting to speak up on this since it happened. But I didn't have time, until now, to gather my thoughts on the matter. T.I. is one of my favorite rap artists. When the news broke that he was pulled over because the cops smelled weed emanating from his car, I said, "Ooook." But when it was added that there were methamphetamines in the car, I said, "Damn," and sighed. Now, in all my fairness a drug is a drug (for all my peeps in recovery, drug counselors, etc... I get it, I, and I'm not disputing that, it's just meth, crack and all that 'seems' wayyyy worse than mary jane (I am only human).

Now, this may not seem like a big deal to anyone, but it presented a 'value' issue with me. I know I'm not in contact with T.I. or anything like that, so it's totally superficial at first glance. But I love the artist so much I said, "Self, you take pride in being fair in all situations, so will this new charge T.I. has really stop you from supporting his music?" (Yep, I converse with myself on a regular) Can you say conflicted? And this is why...

1.) I do not condone adults doing ridiculous things. And what he and Tiny (yeah, she played a part in it as well) were into was ridiculous.

2.) After his very engaging show, T.I.'s Road To Redemption, I really thought once he finished his prison sentence, he was going to show us all those things he told us. I was a true T.I. cheerleader. I wanted him to do well. *insert sad face here*

3.) He still runs a camp to help at-risk youth (and I dig that totally!) but has presented the very worse example possible.

4.) He's great with his mouth piece. But how can you not love a man who says things like:

One's ability to change comes with one's wishes to change. If you want to change then you have every opportunity, every ability to. If you want something better for yourself then you set your mind to it and you see it and you do it.
T.I. Jet magazine)

5.) Based on his words, T.I. wasn't ready to change and I don't like being disappointed in such a foolish way. *insert another sad face here...make that a super-sad face*

6.) Where the heck was the 'supervision' in his supervised release? Since T.I.'s been out of prison for 6 months, if someone was on their j-o-b, he should have had at least 3 urine screens. In order to be truly fair, everyone has to play their position, right? I mean, he was banned from possessing controlled substances as a condition of his 'supervised' release. And I may be minimizing what he did by writing this one, but oh, well...I'm still battling with this whole thing.

7.) He's so darn cute when he sings, "You can have whatever you like.." LOL

8.) If he was selling meth (I'm still not clear on the amount found so I don't know if he was using or selling), why be so greedy? Is street credibility that important that you make millions reciting poetry to music, making movies, etc., but still feel the need to hustle dope? Or are you that greedy? Or is it selfishness?

9.) If he was using meth...NEXT!

9.) And what about the responsibilities of fatherhood, husbandhood, brotherhood...

Well, I'm gonna chill out and let the rest of it marinate in merlot-clouded thoughts tonight. Then I'm gonna make my decision. But, my money is funny so it's not looking too good for T.I. People make mistakes, but I can only support those who show they've learned their lesson.

Stay peace

Sunday, May 23, 2010


I L*O*V*E Salvador Dali.

One of my favorites, The Persistence Of Memory (TPOM), continues to pull me in. Reminding me that who I am, and who I need to be isn't the same thing as who I am, and who I want to be. And more importantly, recognizing which one of these roles is important at the time.
(FB Fam, you have to go to to view images)
The melting of the clocks, to me, symbolizes time we waste or let slip away. I find myself spending tons of time just looking at this. I can only hope my loose interpretation scratches the surface of its meaning. Especially since I'm a fan of simplicity (though it may not seem that way lol) But it's much deeper, I'm sure. I've also had other thoughts about TPOM. The most pressing continues to be that this represents a dichotomy of sorts. One that invades the culture of today. I like to call it 'the get up and do something' age. Picture this; Layla; a struggling single mother, takes a break while her baby naps. She sits on the couch to catch a little mid-afternoon t.v. A program catches her eye then goes to commercial break.

You too can earn a college degree in four months or less. Yes, four months or less!

She thinks the tv is talking to her then the telephone rings. It's her mom who wants to spend more time with her grandchild and offers to care for the baby anytime of the day. She thinks about it and tells mom the arrangement they have for the weekends is fine for now.

Although this wasn't the best example to have come up with (I really wouldn't entertain a degree offer like this either), it still explores the human condition to waste opportunities. Or maybe even exposes some of our inability to recognize them. What if it symbolizes how we block our own blessings by being complacent? Or maybe it's the exact opposite. What if the sliding time represents blessings given and the stable part represent future blessings...on a life continuum? Are our days really predetermined? Ahhh...what if?

This picture is one of the reasons I stopped wearing watches. Watches on my body are stress producing. I'm constantly checking the time, feeling rushed and sometimes wondering where time went when I wear them. And I don't like that feeling. Now I'll admit that I'm not the most stellar, on-time person. But I'm often the first person where I need to be :) And while I'm there, you have my full and genuine presence, patience, and participation. This picture made me appreciate time and BEING in the moment. And wearing watches takes that away from me.

What if it is exactly that? What if it represents our dis/respect of time? What if it has nothing to do with time and all to do with memories, as the title suggests. Maybe the clocks represent important events in our lives that compose our memories. What if we placed time clocks where we first kissed, graduation, marriage, baby, home, deaths, etc. would that image resemble Dali's? On a larger scale, I would hope. What if it is a reminder to make new memories?

Music isn't the only thing that can be subliminal...

Well...told you I spend a lot of time looking at this. This is a pinch of thoughts I have on it. But it all boils down to reminding me of who I am and who I need to be. I don't know how much time I have left.

What it said to me today was:

Re-flect what you want reflected. Re-evaluate often. Re-educate daily. Re-apply success. Re-purpose experience.

Stay peace

Monday, April 19, 2010

Ready, Set, Go!

Spring always makes me feel a certain way. Makes me want to let some things go, allow some things to gain entrance into my life, and re-evaluate those daily constants I face. This Spring has been especially good to me. I've gained a new boss!

Yeah, I said it...

There is a good newness in something like this. And I understand the honeymoon period, but change has never been a big problem for this Aquarian (despite whatcha heard *smile*). With such a newness, I'm allowed to reinvent myself for the better. Break a few bad habits and get back to the better me...ahh motivation. The stagnation of always doing the same thing and expecting different results does a body- and mind - bad. It gives you permission to do mediocre work after so long. Kind of like that 'it's-time-to-make-the-donuts' syndrome and I absolutely HATE that feeling. The truth is, I've allowed it to a certain extent and I will own all that messiness. But when you're so stuck because there is no room for your out-of-the-box thinking, you lose pieces of yourself that make you tick. In essence, you stop being you (for a moment) and begin to conform to the norms of your environment.

Well I'm happy to say that part of me died. No longer will I accept conforming because people feel there is no other way. No longer will I pick up the pieces of another person's puzzle and try to make them fit the way they want them to. If I choose to put it back together, it's going to be in such a way that makes the situation better. It may be different, but prayerfully it's better than it was.

I remember telling a coworker that I was going to act like I didn't know how to do something because the better I did, the more work I was given.... and I was being purely defiant....because I knew I could be. What she told me was something that I continue to hear everytime my ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) starts to ack (yes ack) up.

"No matter how a person treats you, if you are going to help, do it to the best of your ability. Don't allow someone to make you dumb yourself down, you're better than that. And you aren't hurting anyone but yourself."

And she was right. Sometimes you dumb yourself down by going on with business as usual when you need to push life's pause button and change up the game. Especially when you know it's something that should be done and then don't do it. So although this newness is only in one aspect of my life, I'm taking the opportunity to press pause in other areas and roll out on different, better terms to obtain different, better results.

Stay peace!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Women's Writes

Available for preorder at and! Available on Kindle as well! Don't miss out on this awesome collaborative effort.

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