For real, for real

Being a parent is hard. Really hard. But one of the most challenging lessons I've learned in this role is that you HAVE to listen to your babies. Most parents, me included, grew up in the tradition of children are to be seen; not heard. But today, that is more of a cliche than a value or tradition. The kids today are demanding to be heard. And if you don't listen to them, you surely will when you are speaking with them across the table at the juvenile detention center. Or you'll listen to them when they are screaming across the room "you don't care about me."

I work with families who have teens with varying issues. But I've noticed the link that binds them together is the no-one's-listening factor. And when I speak of listening, I'm not talking about the adult-type of listening. I'm speaking of listening...for solutions. For instance, I know a teen who wants to be a journalist. But when I questioned her about her career choice, her answer was "cause everybody says I write good." So I asked her if SHE thought she wrote well. Her response: "Yeah, but I just like the way it looks."

Calligraphy classes maybe?

That's the type of listening I'm talking about. If she likes the way her writing looks, then she should have the opportunity to learn more about that. Maybe she'll stay out of trouble because she's involved in something SHE likes.

When we talk to our kids, we have to ask questions about what they are saying. Don't take anything at face value because most kids don't truly know how to verbalize their feelings. Most kids know that they are hurting, but don't understand this is regular kid-stuff.

We (parents) have got to step-up to the plate. Remember when our teachers told us to put on our listening ears? This is just a small lesson that they understood would be a valuable trait.

Why such an odd post? I'm working on a Cleveland-based project that will have parents, teachers, and communities finally listening to the generation that we will ultimately pass our problems on to. And while jotting down notes for the proposal, body of work, and possible funding sources, I became upset that something so simple is so disregarded.

Stay peace