Tuesday, April 26, 2011

She Asked Him To What??

Yeah, if you didn't see it, picture this...

Chrissy's not exactly on one knee, but she expresses her love for Jim Jones and asks for his hand in marriage. My first thought: WOW (in my Flavor Flav voice). My second thought: WOW (in my feminist voice). My third thought: fadamn...sigh (in my own voice). By the time the third thought crossed my mind's eye, I realized the negro didn't even respond in the negative nor affirmative. Poor Chrissy....my ass.

Quite a few years ago, I would have given Chrissy a high five, a gone girl, and a hallelujah. But today, all I saw was DESPERATION. IMHO (In my humble opinion), I don't think it's good to ask a man to marry you. Now, my opinion is mirrored by one of my male friends who thinks it's "weird" and prefers the more traditional route of marriage proposals. He wants to be okay with being hitched, wants to propose romantically, and wants it to be the right time. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say he would probably ask her parents permission first. I didn't ask him that question but it's on my to-do list (wink). Another (young) male friend also described a woman asking a man to marry him as "weird." I'm gonna say weird is the word of the day for this topic from the male perspective. And I must mention, a few of my brothas didn't even want to answer the question. I guess it was "weird" for them too.

My sista-friends viewed the topic all over the map. One sista, who is recently engaged, stated, "I love my dude more than anything, but if he didn't ask me, there was no way I was asking him. It takes a man to truly search his soul to even ask her the right way. And for a woman to beat him to it...how do you know if he is ready or if you forced it?"

Another sista doesn't think there's anything wrong with a woman asking a man to marry her. She stated, "if you feel that's what you want to do, I don't think it's important who asks. What I think is more important is why you are asking?" This sista made me pause with that question. The only thing I kept repeating to myself was, "why are YOU asking?" See, 'cause I'm still not convinced it's okay. Or may it's not okay for me, as another one of my sistas put it. This may be closer to my truth. No, I don't think it's right for a woman to propose to a man. Yes, I think it's a desperate move. But, do what you do, Boo! I just can't see me doing it.

Now, on to a different perspective that may have very well rounded out my overall opinion. A sista told me that, "I am in no way a timid or docile woman in terms of my behavior in a relationship. But I would never ask a man to marry me. To do that deprives the man of his chase which is something I believe is very important to him. It's a part of his fiber whether he knows it or not." Hmmm BOOM!! What you know about that? I agree with her. Men love ego strokes, and what bigger stroke can he give himself with a marriage proposal, on his terms, and a tear-filled "YES!"

Then I got to wondering....what would ultra-feminist think? Would this be looked at as a symbol of 'yes, we can, as women, do this?' (Punctuation is ALL wrong in that but, it's my blog...lol) Would this be considered one of the 'rights' they'd fight for? I don't know, cause this feminist, I guess, it not that feminist.

As little girls, we are 'fed' the fairytale marriage proposals. When we start getting into a serious relationships where we want to be with that man forever, getting down on one knee isn't in our peripheral. We don't envision choosing the perfect ring for him. We don't think about how to make the perfect proposal to him. But, truthfully, if some of us have thought about it, I'm sure most of us have coward away from it at the very thought of being criticized for asking him first.

Guess I'll be spending the day dialoging about this subject with different people. My hopes? I want to 'feel' a happy medium between it being "weird" and it being "wrong" (cause I don't think I can be convinced that it's alright).

OK! Now for the juicy stuff (if you're a viewer)...

Jim Jones momma was pissed, wasn't she? LOL!! Chrissy better get a bigger bed cause momma is gonna be all up in their business! Do you think she was wrong for being upset about the engagement. And why do I suddenly miss Frankie (Keyshia Coles mother) when I see his momma?? Seeing her also makes me wanna 'phone home' (wink...lol) Things that make you go hmmm...

Fabolous' *iwishedhespelledthisright* girlfriend, Emily, needs to let the negro GO! Not only did he not show up for the family photo shoot, but he didn't even answer the phone when she wanted help calming their son down! Not to mention the stuff we already know, like he doesn't 'claim' her in public. She's just his stylist. Psssh! I wish a negro would. She need to grow some, take her kids, and dip!

Somoya is a hot drama mess. That's all I have to say about her. And the ex G Unit girl is over-rated to me. I can't think of her name either....that's how much matters.

Is Moshonda even really on the show? I know she had her divorce ala Alicia Keys situation going on, but I've only seen her once. What's up with that?

Now, I'm gonna watch the last recorded episode of Mob Wives. I'm SURE I have a blog for that one too! Those birds really need to sit it down...lol

Stay peace!


nickyjett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nickyjett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nickyjett said...

"No, I don't think it's right for a woman to propose to a man. Yes, I think it's a desperate move. " Poetic Genesis

My question to her was, "WHY do you think it's a desperate move?" :) Yes, I did read all the reasons she posted about it being a traditional fairytale - etc...but tradition aside - "WHY?"

As for me, I asked my husband (ex) to marry me and for the most part we were good. Prior to him, I turned down more proposals than I care to admit - but the reason why I said "No" was simple. I wasn't interested in taking care of them. I didn't want to be their emergency contact - and more important I didn't want them to be mine. I trusted the man I married to take care of me and my family. (Oh my gosh how wrong I was after we broke up. But that could happen with any marriage that goes sour).

If it was a desperate move on my part - I guess I would attribute that to not wanting to deal with anymore of the brothers out there. Especially the tumultuous relationship I was having with my oldest daughter's father. I figured if I was married I wouldn't go back to him anymore - funny thing it worked. He eventually married a few years later and there was no looking back.

Desperate move? Maybe but I took myself off the market had more babies and I was happy for awhile.

I think the real reason why some women won't ask a man to marry is, they don't want to take the responsibility. At least if something goes wrong, the woman can say (with hands on hip lol) "Well he wanted me...I didn't ask him." :) I know since my divorce 15 years ago, I've been moved to ask two men to marry but I never did. I wanted them to take the responsibility of asking me. They never did. C'est La Vie.

Post Script:
I did see that episode of Love and Hip Hop. Oh I wrote this comment on my blogger site and linked to you...that is why the comment reads I asked her "Why" lol

Poetic Genesis said...

Hey NickyJett! Thanks for responding. I think you hit on another reason I'm not in total agreement with it. Men are special creatures. We know this. And they will say the same thing about us. But tradition aside, you know, there are men who are very passive and will just go with the flow. If you ask that man to marry you, and he accepts, how can you be sure he's really ready? There are other men who just like the idea of marriage (as some women do) and if you ask him to marry you, he'll do it just because it's marriage(as some women will). I don't think total responsibility is on the man when discussing marriage, I just think the proposal should come from him. If for some reason a woman is hanging around, doing wifely things and they aren't married (assuming he's never asked), she should really move on. Something in HIM is not ready to take that next step with her.

In Chrissy's case, I really, really think it really showed the desperation I was talking about. He clearly isn't ready....didn't even respond and when they talked about it the next day, it was even worse. You saw it...lol She told him if they weren't married in a reasonable amount of time, she was living. I'm saying, "GIRL! LEAVE!!" Especially since his response was, "take the dog with you." Plus, she still gets jealous when he's around beautiful women at work. She's not secure and, honey, marriage isn't gonna make her feel anymore secure (money aside, kwim? lol)

Also, the rest of the quote from me was... Do what you do, Boo! I just can't see me doing it. So even though I disagree with women doing this, I accept that everything just isn't for everybody. I appreciate your point of view and your honesty. I also like your blog. I'm gonna have to hang out on it for awhile.

Stay peace sis!

Poetic Genesis said...

...it should be 'she was leaving'...lol

nickyjett said...

Oh snap! He said "take the dog?" lol ...They are having the worse time with that dog!

I don't know how I missed that one - I remember seeing the coming of attractions for the next episode but I must have changed the channel lol.

See that's what I mean- A man doesn't know if a woman is ready either but he takes that chance. It is just a chance you have to take - and hope you know your wo/man well enough that s/he will be honest. Now what you wrote about Chrissy being jealous around other women - well that is no reason to get married. I do agree with you - - If she thinks marriage is the cureall for other women - she isn't ready either and definitely has some growing up to do!

By the way, I remember you from Yasmin's (six-year survivor) myspace page. Hey!!!! I'm glad she posted your link. I like your writing style. You weigh all aspects of the argument - even when you come to your conclusion.

I will visit more often and I did post your blog link on my facebook fan page too http://www (.) facebook (.) m (/)theleadstory

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